We aren’t just talking about your safe-word here; we are talking about being honest and perhaps even a little selfish when it comes to your sex life. Oh, and in case you are wondering… PINEAPPLE!
When it comes to sex, Britain is renowned for being a bit prudish and we apparently don’t like to talk about what happens in the bedroom. But, may I just say, this does not relate to me at all. My favourite topic to talk about with my closest friends is love, life and sex. Ever little detail is discussed and in depth. Any embarrassing stories that we share with each other tend to be met with laughter or even an understanding because we have probably experienced those ourselves at some point. Having this communication with a group of friends that you can trust is amazing, because you know that if there is any worries or concerns, then they can always help you with it.
The Key to a Great Sex Life
Communicating with friends is one thing, but communicating with your partner is another. You should hopefully feel that you can tell your partner anything without them overreacting or judging you, but let’s be real here. If your idea of the perfect night of love making involves candles, champagne and strawberries with whipped cream, you are going to be a bit shocked if your boyfriend crawls in wearing a PVC gimp mask, dog chain and cuffs and asks you to peg him. Aren’t you? If this does happen, then clearly there was a little miscommunication along the way and you are not paying attention to the other.
If you are getting down and dirty and you both agree to try something “new”, then take things slowly. If something is hitting all the right spots, then let the heavens know that you are enjoying it. Get them to do it multiple times to get those multiple orgasms. Why the hell not? Be a little selfish. However, if something makes you feel uncomfortable or even any kind pain, then you need to voice this concern with your partner and ask them to stop or change what it is they are doing, because if you are moaning in discomfort, they might take it as pleasure and want to try it again the next time.
Voice Your Sexual Opinion
After you have voiced your opinion on whatever act it was that didn’t quite float your boat, hopefully your partner will understand and they will not push you to try it again. If they do, I hope you just have the balls to tell them “No!” Just because you are in a relationship with this person, does not mean that they have the right to do what they want to your body. Unless that’s what you are in to, then that’s cool.
There are many people who love to be submissive in the bedroom. They want to lose some control from their life and give their body over to someone else to do with them what they please, but that is where PINEAPPLE comes in. Wait… not an actual pineapple – wait, who am I to judge? Maybe you do want an actual pineapple in the bedroom.
What I am actually talking about are safe-words. Knowing how far you can push yourself sexually can be exciting, but there needs to be some sort of security measure in place. A word that wouldn’t normally come in to the bedroom, something a little strange that will make the other person realise that you mean “Stop!’ because some people love to say “stop” when they really mean “keep going”, and that is all part of that submissive act.
What Did You Say?
This might seem like a weird thing to talk about, but there is a reason. I have heard too many women – and men – talk about their bedroom antics and there have been occasions where the person that they are being intimate with has done something that wasn’t expected. When they have told me these sex stories, I have been a little shocked and asked “Well, what did you say?” and majority of the time, they say that they didn’t tell them to stop or even ask why they did that. I just cannot fathom as to why you wouldn’t say anything, because in all the relationships I have had, I have always been open and honest.
Understandably, there are some people who feel pressured to please your partner in fear that you will upset them and you might end up arguing or worse. But for the love of all things bread, why are you letting your partner do things to your body that you never agreed to especially if you find them painful. I also understand that there are many different kinds of relationships too.
There have been friends and family members who were in abusive relationships where they feel like their voice would never be heard and that is was safer to just remain silent. Being submissive to save them from another night of verbal, physical or sexual violence. This just breaks my heart because you never know what goes on behind bedroom doors. Do you?
That is why I want to urge you to speak up if you can, if you are not happy with something in your relationship, you need try to address it. If you feel that you can’t be open and honest with your partner, then perhaps you shouldn’t be in it. The last point is, and probably the worst, if you feel like you can’t get out of the relationship then try to reach out for help – which is easier said than done I guess. But there is always someone to talk to, it is just about finding your voice and courage and communicating your concerns.
Do you feel like you can talk to your partner about anything?
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