Sex education. Now. Where shall I begin? Not with Hollywood – that’s for sure.
Everyone’s sexual education is different. Majority of people learn from a teacher in a classroom environment whilst sitting cross-legged in a sea of your peers, who either look traumatised or entertained whenever the word “penis” or “vagina” is mentioned. When breasts become the focus, kids point at the girls who have already started to bloom – this happened to me – and laugh. Boys don’t understand what a period is, and girls just sit there wondering “Why me?”
For me, in my opinion, I learned in the best environment. At home, with my mum and a copy of an illustrated book, all about the teenage body – we even discussed sex, not the full ins and outs, but enough. I was 10 after all. The reason why my mum decided to talk about this to me at a young age is because I had already started my period, so the timing was right for me. Before this, I had already started asking questions about the difference between boys and girls, and wondered why my mum would cover my eyes if there were a “naughty scene” in a movie or on TV.
As I got older, and was exposed – don’t know if that is the right word to use here, but let’s roll with it – to sex scenes on TV and in the movies, I had more questions. My mum and I have always had a very open relationship about life, I think that this is why we are so close and I am the way that I am.
I Blame the Movies.
My favourite kind of date night is dinner and a movie. I love going to the cinema, eating that warm sweet popcorn that is so fresh and delicious – well, until you eat about a quarter of it and then you are hit with the stale shit. I love getting los tin the trailers, planning which ones we “need to see” and the ones that we can miss. I probably go to the cinema at least once a week, easily. Because of my love for the movies, I have seen a LOT of films. I have quite a collection of DVDs at home and can happily binge watch anything on Netflix. I am THAT kind of girl.
There are just a few issues that I do have – and they are all based around sex and my “Sexpectations”. As a teenager, when it came down to my own sex life, I had these expectations about what was going to happen – like most humans – and man was I pissed off when none of them happened the way that I had expected.
Sex & The City & Mr Big
When I was about 14 years old, I stumbled across a raunchy TV show that just opened a whole new world to me. I got grounded for watching it as my mum thought I was too young, but she soon realised that she couldn’t control what was on TV. My mum watched an episode just to see what the fuss was about and she ended up loving the show, it was Sex & The City.
We would watch Sex & The City together with mugs of tea and copious amounts of chocolate and my mum would make sexualised comments aimed at Mr Big. I think the phrase she loved to use was “He can park his boots outside my door, any day!”
Looking back, the sex scenes looked more real than other TV shows and movies that were around at the time.
For example, the episodes where:
- Carrie hooks up with the best man the night before Charlottes wedding and the sex was very awkward and painful, described best as “jackrabbit” sex. Carrie later said it was “basically masturbating with a woman instead of your hand.”
- Carrie once dated the handsome Bill Kelley who was a candidate for New York City Comptroller. The most polite, handsome and suave date she had had and yet, he got his kicks from golden showers.
- Miranda dates a guy who just wants to rim her and be rimmed in return.
- Miranda starts to see a guy, and then later discovers that he can only get off by having public sex. At one point his parents walk in on them, she tries to get him to stop, his parents just stand there, he keeps going until he climaxes. Awkward.
- Charlotte dates her dream man, but soon realises that he screams insults like “You fucking whore!” when he cums. This upsets Charlotte and when she tells him, he has no idea what she is talking about.
We also seen:
- Faking orgasms
- Falling asleep
- Sex swings
- SAFE SEX – condoms/diaphragms/the pill
- Baby talk
- Tiny cocks
- BIG cocks
- All the cocks
Put Something on The End of it
I am NOT talking about the Easter egg after the rolling credits of a movie. I am talking about safe sex. Where are the bloody condoms? I am sorry, but this is a big thing for me. We need to make sure that we are showing that people practise safe sex.
We don’t need to actually witness anyone putting on a condom – because let’s face it, it ain’t sexy (well, it might be for some) – but a nice wee product placement from Durex, Magnum or whatever, would be quite nice. A nod to safer sex, because I actually do a wee cheer whenever I see someone on TV or in a movie reach for a condom – or talk about any other methods of contraceptives, because it is so important to normalise this.
Getting Stuck in
In my experience, I don’t think that I have ever had someone successfully dive straight in and then off we go… too graphic? Well, it’s bloody true. I hate it when a couple is kissing on camera and then they are straight in to “the intercourse” – especially when they have never screwed before.
There is no fumbling. No awkward apology because he has nearly slipped in the wrong entrance (technically it’s an exit – but that’s a different discussion). There are no hands reaching down to help guide him home. Nothing. What is this? I cannot be alone in this. I know I am not, because I have talked about this with my closest friends and even some guys that I dated. No one can just dive straight in unless you know that persons body inside and out – excuse the pun.
The Big “O”
Talking about getting stuck in, I bloody hate it when the woman starts to have the big “O” as soon as they start. I mean, this might happen to some women, but surely not that much? When I was younger, I honestly thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t have that explosive/firework reaction straight away. Then as time went on, I realised that I was expecting something that the movies had told me. I think it is because of scenes like that, that men think they aren’t doing it right. So that’s when they decided to ask you questions like:
- Is that okay?
- Are you enjoying it?
- Shall I go faster?
- Is this right?
- Is that your G-Spot?
- Did you cum?
Mate, you would know if that was my G-Spot, trust me. Oh, and for the love of all things Holy, don’t ask if they’ve come. This question is the fucking worst. Excuse my language. But it is. It kills the vibe straight away.
The way I see it is, it’s not always about the big “O”, sometimes its just… fun. I don’t get stressed if I can’t climax, because you just ruin it for everyone if you do. There are women out there that are not capable of even achieving an orgasm, and some men see this as a personal challenge for them to get those women off. But, listen here boys; if women have explored every inch of their own bodies, what chances do you have to find that magic button for them? Think about it.
In the movies, when the couple have successfully reached the point orgasm, they throw themselves back in to the sheets looking beautifully flushed and slightly out of breathe. More often than not, they fall asleep side-by-side wrapped perfectly in those sheets without muttering a single word to each other.
I live in Scotland. I don’t have Egyptian cotton sheets on my bed to wrap myself in. I have a winter duvet, all year round because it is too bloody cold. Neither person looks stunning after they have just shagged their arses off either. Everyone is sweaty, red faced and stinking. No? Oh. Me neither. The point I am making here is that the movies make sex look perfect. It can be, but often enough, its just two people enjoying each other’s bodies and making a right mess. One of the weirdest things you see, is the women in the movies don’t go to the bathroom after sex.
Majority of the woman on this planet need to pee after sex, it is a natural thing. It can actually help in preventing you from getting a UTI. As for the men, why are they just laying there? Don’t they have to clean up too? Bizarre.
Obviously, the movies glamourized everything – because believe me I don’t want to see a sex scene that is awkward in the movies, unless it is for comedy value – but do they need to make it so unrealistic?
There are so many teenagers that look to the movies, or even Porn for sexual education. So perhaps Hollywood should start showing condoms more and a little bit more realism, after all… everyone does it!
What are your thoughts on sex scenes in the movies?